The end where I begin...

“This wasn’t supposed to happen”, he said.

She held his hand tightly and replied with a smile, “but it did. That’s all that matters”

He looked up and could see that her eyes were red and puffy with crying all night. He wanted to make her happy. He wanted to save her. He wanted to save them. But there was nothing that he could do. He had made up his mind.

She asked him once again, “Are you sure about this?”

He replied without giving it any thought, “Yes. We can’t be together. Not now, not ever”

She wanted to scream at the top of her voice and cry out loud. ‘How could this be happening?’ she thought.

She had given him everything he wanted, everything she had. Her love, her time, her 4 years. She had nothing else to offer that would want him to stay with her and hold her in his arms for ever. There was nothing she could do to make him stay.

She looked at her watch; it was 5 in the evening. He would leave in an hour to catch his flight. They had met after a year. The job he’d taken up a year ago allowed him to travel a lot and he was never at one place for more than a month. Over the year, things had changed more than she had expected. In some very strange way, she had gotten used to the idea of him always being away from her. This had made her stronger and independent and having him near her didn’t make much of a difference anymore.

A year back, on this very day, he had announced to her that they did not have any future together. He said that they would not be happy with each other and thing would just get miserable over the years. But she had been persistent. She believed that love would conquer all and would win over all the little fights and arguments they keep having. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

She wanted to break the awkward silence between them as he seemed lost in thoughts. She asked, “Do you have the tickets with you?”

He checked his pocket and replied, “Yeah, its right here with me”

She asked, “How long before you come back?”

“I’m not sure. Could be six months, a year or maybe even two” he replied.

She looked disappointed. The thought of not seeing him again for a year or two was killing her from the inside. But she held her calm and replied with a smile, “That’s good. Your career’s finally setting off. I’m happy for you”

He smiled back and said, “Thanks”

This shattered her even more and she thought ‘Thanks? How could things get so worse that they had to be formal in front of each other?’

She knew the clock was ticking and they had only a little time left with each other.

Somehow she thought that she was the only one continuing the relationship and was the only one who was affected by the separation. Maybe she was right. Maybe he didn’t care much. Maybe it doesn’t matter to him. Maybe, it never did.

She looked at her watch again, it was half past five. Her heart began to sink. With a heavy heart she said, “I think its time for you to go now. Otherwise you will miss your flight”

He too looked at the watch and realized that maybe this was the last time they would be seeing each other. Last time they would be talking as a couple. Because God knows that he had made up his mind about breaking the news of the breakup to her as soon as he landed. But he decided against it. And now was the time to do it he thought.

He said, “Baby, you know why I’m doing this. No one will benefit from this relationship. We won’t last with each other. The relationship will erode with time. I have no choice. You know it very well that we can’t think of a future together. But I promise you this, I will always love you coz I’ve never loved anyone else. I love you now and I will love you forever”

She thought, ‘but you don’t love me enough to spend the rest of your life with me’

He continued, “I don’t know what else to say to you, but I can tell you this, until either of us finds someone suitable enough to get married to, we can continue the relationship we have. But one of us will have to back off when the other person is ready to settle down”

Suddenly she realized something. She understood that he wants the relationship just for the sake of it. He was as much addicted to her as she was to him. And he couldn't let go of a habit so abruptly. He would happily get married to some other random girl and it wouldn't affect him, but she would be the one who will end up being shattered. She knew it was time to make a decision.

She smiled at him and said, “You are right. We should continue the relationship for YOUR benefit, because YOU say so and because YOU don’t or never thought about me. If you would've thought about my well being  then you would have just broken up with me. Instead, you are looking for a temporary solution to your problems until something permanent comes your way.”

He was looking at her with a shocked expression on his face, unaware of what was happening. He thought the solution would be mutually beneficial, but things were taking an unexpected turn here.

She continued, “I don’t regret the four years I spent with you, they were undeniably the best four years of my life. I have tried really hard to sustain this relationship. But there is only so much I can do. I have loved you with all my heart and now I am leaving you. I gave you all I had and I would give you more if I could. I actually DID love you. But its time I let you go from my life.”

With these final words, she stood up and walked out of the door, never looking back to what she had left behind....

THE END

Life's Moving fast, you better catch up!!!

Hie everyone...

Lets talk about our Dreams and Aspirations! What is it that we want out of our life? What do we all want to do before it gets too late? What exactly do you mean by Dreams, Aspirations, Passion etc.??

Honestly, the definition varies from person to person. One might want to be very famous and be filthy rich. That can be his dream. On the other hand, a person might want to travel the world, so that is his dream. As i said, it varies from person to person.

But what people generally fail to understand, is that your dreams and passions are different from your goals. Take me for example, I want to start an NGO and help people across the world. But that's my ultimate goal. My passion, on the other hand is an endless list of things i want to do before its too late. So you see, your goals and passions are two different things.

I just finished with the movie Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara and 1 thing struck me astonishingly. We all plan our life, we all have a map made of where we want to be when we are 40 and how to reach there... but what if u don't get to live until 40? Shouldn't your life mean something till then? Shouldn't it mean something EVERYDAY?

If you have seen the movie Dead Poet's Society, you must be well versed with the phrase CARPE DIEM. In Simple English, it means to ENJOY THE PRESENT, to SEIZE THE DAY, to simple live each day to the fullest.

Now the question is... how does one CARPE DIEM???

Here is a list of few things i relate to or i want to do...

Figure out your passion: What is it that you wanted to do? Write books, poems, Paint, Play Guitar, Cook, whatever it is, explore it and start working on it. Find out what makes you happy and just go with it. You will never regret.

Let go of your fear: Make a list of the phobias you have and encounter them one by one. As you start crossing off the fears from the list after you have overcome them, you will develop a sense of pride you never thought you had.

Travel frequently: It's always great to take a break from your daily routine and go to a place you always wanted to. Not only will you return peaceful, but you will also feel happy and content.

Stay with the right kind of people: You might have a huge friends circle, but there will be only a few of them that you actually call friends. Stay with the people who make you happy, who make you laugh and make you feel alive. Remember that those who make you happy add life to your days and those who don't, take away the life from your days.

Choose your friends wisely: Be attached to people, not possessions. If you think you can't open up to people and that you can't trust them, you are wrong. I agree that everyone is not trustworthy, only a few ones are. Well, find them out and share a part of your life with them. Expensive cars and apartments wont lend you a helping hand when you need one, your friends will.

Its OK to piss people off: You can't please everyone. If you think you can, you can't be more wrong. Realize that only a few people matter, not all. So care for them and just let go of the rest of world.

Don't take life too seriously: Its not that it's sunny everyday. Life has it's dark days too. But when you humor your problems, not only do you get out with a solution, but also with a determination that you will stand strong, come rain or thunder.

Develop an ability to forgive: What happened to you or what someone did to you, might affect and hurt you now, but it won't matter 5 years down the line. So learn to forgive. No body lives in peace holding grudges. Once you forgive, you will see the change in you.

Do random things: Smile, freak out, read books, help others, always think positive, drink lots of water, meditate, visualize yourself 10 years down the line, relax, take out a specific time for worrying, take control of your emotions, walk barefoot, stare at the sky endlessly, camp out, do things you never did or were too afraid to do, take chances, be mysterious, keep a journal, follow your intuition and love everything that you have or get.

Be Honest: Don't lie. There is no exception to this rule. Be honest with yourself and the ones around you. And don't speak until you learn to improve on silence.

Fall in love: Last but not the least, fall in love. Not necessarily a person, it can be anything like nature, poems, art etc. etc. But do fall in love. It always brings out the best in you. If you have been hurt by someone you loved, don't worry, it means life has given you a second chance. Make sure you don't miss out on it.

Well, this list is everything I could think of. If i missed anything or any point, fell free to add it via your comments. I hope everyone of us learns to live in ways that we want to rather than the ways we are asked to. Most importantly, differentiate between your passions and goals. Otherwise it will be too late to mend things.

With this famous quote by Mark Twain, I end my blog:

"Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Waiting for your comments eagerly. Go on....CARPE DIEM :D

Divyangana Singh

:D